Owning It – Part 1

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“Owning it begins with a mindset, but very crucially continues with tangible steps that we can take in order that our actions are proactive, specific, and clear. It starts with our physical state before we consider the emotions, feelings and thoughts we have jumbled up inside us…”

Let’s get stuck in right here. Life is far more enjoyable when we really own it. We own the ups and the downs, the good and the bad and this is what today’s EPIC Insight is all about.

Owning it begins with the mindset. It’s about making a proactive decision to be responsible for the actions that you take.

In another EPiC Insight (Being Present When Presenting) I touched on the importance of the Hierarchy of Control™. This is required to identify and correct the state of our bodies before we communicate with a sense of personal responsibility.

The Hierarchy of Control™ is a strategic process that helps you to manage your way through your thoughts feelings and emotions so that you can own your actions:

1. PHYSICAL control

2. EMOTIONAL control

3. Control of FEELINGS

4. Control of THOUGHTS

5. Control of ACTIONS

Owning it begins with a mindset, but very crucially continues with tangible steps that we can take in order that our actions are proactive, specific, and clear. It starts with our physical state before we consider the emotions, feelings and thoughts we have jumbled up inside us.

I talk about the physical state in 3 layers:

· Corporal Leadership

· Vocal Leadership

· Respirational Leadership

Your body, voice and breath are your main leadership tools in presentations, meetings and calls.


Centre and ground yourself to achieve stillness and silence. The more purposeful you are with any movements you make, the more likely you will be to draw the attention of others.

Notice any leakages in your head, face, breathing, torso legs arms and hands. Leakages may include a jiggling leg, unconscious facial expressions you may be in the habit of using, muscle tension etc…

When you use gestures, make sure they have a purpose. Become aware of your body and habitual gestures you make that could dilute the impact of your message.

ACTION Practice standing and sitting quietly in neutral whilst at your desk, waiting for or sitting on planes trains or automobiles, or while in a meeting. Notice what effect it has on your thoughts and feelings:


  • feet shoulder-width apart and parallel, with loose knees
  • if sitting, bottom right at the back of the chair
  • top of your head as high as possible
  • shoulders hanging relaxed
  • your skeleton supporting itself without effort
  • breathe in and out with your diaphragm using all your abdominal muscles (stomach, sides, groin, pelvic floor and even thighs)


Learn how to modulate your voice. Choose specific moments in a communication to use a particular voice, to highlight a sense of importance, to bring a lightness, or to demonstrate your commitment. Use pauses to give your message space to land and time for your audience to absorb it.

ACTION Practice the elevator (moving the pitch of your voice from low to high and back down to low in a flowing sound on one breath); focussing on your belly to add richness, power and feeling to your voice. Practice in the bath and the shower. When driving, sing along to the radio, exploring the expressive range and depth of your voice. On the phone try out different postures, sitting or standing and register any changes in your voice. Listen to other people’s voices. Can you tell if the voice is coming from their head, chest or belly? What effect does it have on you?


When under pressure, the heart starts to race and has erratic surges, you will likely recognise this from past experience. It might be difficult to believe, but the fastest way to get the heart back in rhythm is to focus on your breathing. I like to think of the breath as a mentor or guide providing a rhythm for the heart to follow, until it is back on an even keel again.

ACTION Focus on your breathing, particularly when you are under pressure. Practice diaphragmatic breathing; (this is when you consciously push your diaphragm down when you breathe in and up when you breathe out) it helps to releases emotional tension and gives your brain something constructive to focus on, rebooting us when we slip into fight/flight mode.

Now you are ready to move onto the next level – Your Emotional State. More on that in a future article.

To book a free ideas and strategy session with one of our consultants, please click here or call us on 00 44 (0)1932 888 885.

What Is Your Team Vision

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“Think of football managers… They have a vision and a plan for their team…”

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It may surprise you to learn that many leaders right now, don’t have a vision for their team. If you are one of them, you are in good company.

Why is this so?

Most leaders and managers are focused on delivering against the targets set by their board and senior management. They are working extremely hard to do the right thing for the business.

When you are a leader, you have the choice about how you are going to lead your team, what decisions you are going to make for that team and how you are going to motivate them. To do this consciously and consistently, you need a vision.

Think of football managers. They are focused on the club aspirations, the demands of the shareholders and the fans, they are answerable to the board. Yet they each go about managing their team their own way. They have a vision and a plan for their team.

There are 3 key elements to consider.

GOALS – What must your team achieve in order to be successful (over the next 12 months, 6 months, 3 months)?

ROADBLOCKS – What might get in the way? You will need to overcome these obstacles or find a way around them.

IDENTITY – The core character and team values that will ensure success?

There are many different ways to arrive at the answers. However it is vital to:

a. Commit and do it!

b. Keep it simple – Limit yourself to specific milestones. Small, yet significant steps forward every day, week, month are enough to transform team motivation and capability.

c. Check back – make sure your vision is in line with that of your senior management and echos the company aspirations.

d. Create – a one-page Dashboard and pin it up so you can have it in front of you at all times.

e. Perspective – Celebrate team successes and view everything else as work in progress.

To find out more about EPiC Leadership,or or to work with us, click here to arrange a conversation with one of our Consultants.

How Do I Get My Team To Step Up?

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“In my experience, it doesn’t help to go delving too deeply into the problem…”

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It is not unusual for a leader to express their frustration at their team or a member of their team for not stepping up and taking responsibility.

There may be several reasons for their reluctance to step forward and really take ownership and it may be that you will never really know why.

In my experience, it doesn’t help to go delving too deeply into the problem. You can analyse and rationalise as much as you like, but the problem will remain and your frustrations will grow along with their resistance to step up.

Imagine a new Manager, Rory. One of his team members is Alan. Alan appears to be working very hard. He is often the last to leave. But he doesn’t communicate, so Rory never really knows what Alan is doing and what his workload is really like. In the past, Rory has found Alan to be quite defensive when he has asked about how he is spending his time. Not one for confrontation, Rory has backed off and has let him get on with it.

Have you recognise this sort of dynamic?

Next time you notice that a team member is resisting you, maybe try this exercise before you meet:

Take a pen and paper, and write down their name in the centre, then write down whatever words come to you that sum up how you would like the ideal relationship to be with that person. See below:


Once you have completed the exercise, you will find you have much better clarity of what you want and why you want it.

In Rory’s case, because he has something of a vision for how they might best work together, he can now focus on ‘the future relationship’ rather than ‘Alan’s failings’.

This simple exercise moves attention away from the frustrations and the problems Rory is experiencing with Alan, allowing space for him to create a new relationship, together with clear boundaries about the expectations he has.

In addition, Rory has opened up the communication channel between himself and Alan.

It’s time to have that chat!

To find out more about EPiC Leadership, click here to arrange a conversation with one of our Consultants.

Feel Great When You Have Every Reason Not To!

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“These scenarios and many more have an uncanny knack of throwing us out of our flow…”

Hands up who’s been to a networking event or social gathering and the conversation has been clunky or awkward. People talk over each other, they ask boring questions like ‘what do you do?’ then don’t listen to the answer because they are looking over your shoulder for someone more useful to them. There might be a sense of competition between those vying for attention. Others just don’t ask any questions at all but ramble on about themselves.

How about working in teams where there is a whole range of different dysfunctions: lack of purpose, conflicting agendas, demotivated members, disgruntled members, friction around role specifications and functions. These are examples of situations that can put you off your stride, out of your flow.

What does flow mean?

When we are in the flow, everything seems to fit together. Productivity is high, conversations click, inspiration is abundant.

What takes us out of the flow?

The biggest reason we step out of the flow is this: When our experience at any one time does not match what we want. Or in other words, someone does something that we either didn’t expect, or we didn’t like, or we anticipate that they will do something unexpected or that we won’t like.

Typical examples:

Networking – worry that people won’t want to spend time with you, or being ‘cornered’ by someone who you have nothing in common with

At work – anxious about your upcoming review, or feeling undervalued by Head Office

At home – anticipating a lack of support from your partner, or dealing with confrontation from your child

All these scenarios and many more have an uncanny knack of throwing us out of our flow.

When we are out of the flow, we notice that we are physically and emotionally uncomfortable and that fires up all sorts of feelings and triggers all sorts of reactions.

How can you get back into the flow?

Most people when they notice they are out of the flow, seek to justify why they feel like they do. We’ve all been there at times – at least, I know I have. For instance, you might think, ‘If my colleague had done what they were supposed to, I wouldn’t be here now picking up the pieces.’

If you believe, as I do, that it is more important to get back in the flow and feeling good, than to pick over why you are out of it, then the following might help.

  1. Accept the situation – Things aren’t as you want them to be in this moment
  2. Embrace it – It’s OK! Life throws us many curve balls, here’s the latest one. Decide not to analyse it, or worry about it. Instead just notice how you feel without judgement of yourself or others
  3. Say to yourself “I choose to feel _____________”. Whatever it might be. With choice, comes a sense of control and empowerment. What might change, for instance, if you choose to feel confident, compassionate or capable in this moment?

Getting you back in the flow.

To find out more about the services we offer, click here, or call us on +44 (0)1932 888885.

Avoiding The Blame Game

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“It can be very stressful to pick the bones out of what went wrong…”

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Why do we come to work? To deliver on the mission of the organisation. That’s how crucial every single employee is. You matter greatly and so does every member of your team. What you do and how you do it impacts everyone.

Your work should feel good and congruent with who you are, you should feel able to weather the pressures and the highs and lows that will inevitably come in any work environment and to do that, you need the best tools and strategies to support you.

We give leaders who work with us powerful and practical tools and strategies they can use to maintain clarity even in potentially difficult or confusing circumstances, leading their teams back on track, focused and feeling understood.

Many of our clients are leaders who have to deal from time to time with issues that involve one party blaming another for something that should or shouldn’t have happened. And we know that it is all too easy to get caught up in the detail of the problem and to get sucked into the blame game. It can be very stressful to pick the bones out of what went wrong.

The quarrelling parties will each want you to believe their side of the story. They will be focused on getting you to see that they are right and the failing was due to the other party, the system, the client, or something/someone else. Most people get unsettled when things go wrong and they feel a compelling need to be vindicated.

Whilst it is important to recognise the feelings the other party is expressing (eg: frustration, anger, disappointment), it is really important to stay objective so that you can find a resolution.

Here’s one simple strategy that might help you to elevate your team out of the blame game and keep standards high:

  1. Breathe!
  2. Accept the situation for what it is (it’s happened and you are all where you are)
  3. Focus on the best outcome possible in the circumstances
  4. Make your intentions clear
  5. Agree with the parties involved, the steps that need to be taken to get there from where you are now
  6. Assign ownership and timescales to the plan
  7. Review the process, revising where necessary to avoid a future recurrence
  8. Gain commitment from all parties concerned
  9. Thank all for their cooperation towards a successful outcome
  10. Address knowledge/performance gaps with the individuals involved, privately one to one. Support them as they learn and agree a plan

Remember, things will go wrong from time to time. They provide an opportunity to improve. Address the situation early on, make the changes necessary and set expectations for the future.

To find out more about how we can help your business, and to arrange a conversation with a consultant, click here, or call us on +44 1932 888885.

How To Turn A Difficult Conversation Into An Important One

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“Difficult conversations tend to be those where one anticipates some form of disagreement or resistance…”

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One of the biggest fears many people have is how to approach a difficult conversation. And yet, in business, difficult conversations are inevitable from time to time.

Why do so many people find certain conversations difficult? Here are some typical answers:

  • I think they will resist what I have to say
  • I worry that I might upset or offend them
  • What if they get angry?
  • I don’t like to let people down
  • I hate confrontation
  • I feel for their situation
  • I don’t like them and would rather not have to speak to them at all
  • They might dislike me

Difficult conversations tend to be those where one anticipates some form of disagreement or resistance.

Any internal struggle you are having about how the other party may or may not respond is going to cloud your ability to be open and honest. So much so in fact, you may well be setting yourself up for a very uncomfortable meeting because your anxiety will leak out through your verbal and non-verbal language.

How might you prepare for success? VOICE might help in some situations:

Vision – Remember. If it wasn’t important, you wouldn’t need to have the conversation at all. You must be really clear about what you are going to achieve from this conversation and why the outcome is important. Share your vision with the other party in a way that makes sense to them. Make sure the vision is objective and future orientated.

Options – Use your preparation time, and your time together in the meeting to uncover any viable options. What options do you have that will deliver on the vision? What is the likely impact of those options? What is the potential impact of doing nothing?

Immovables – There may be some elements that are just not negotiable. Know what they are and make them clear to the other party (eg: Service Level Agreements must be met). Stand by your non-negotiables. Stick to the facts, be open and clear. The other party may well try to talk you around, argue with you, justify their point of view, try to convince you otherwise. Be strong, be calm, and stay resolute.

Clarity – Make sure you have clear boundaries. Know your responsibility and live up to it. At the same time, expect the other party to own their responsibility, ensuring they are adequately equipped with the training, knowledge and resources they need.

Empathy – You are responsible for your behaviour and it is important to remain calm and clear headed. If the other party becomes worried, angry, or upset, it is important to understand and address any specific concerns they have.

Turn a potentially uncomfortable and difficult conversation into an important and purposeful one using VOICE.

To find out how the EPIC approach to Leadership will help your business, click here.

Putting An End To Constant Interruptions

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“This was impacting his own ability to deliver on his work. So much so that he was having to take work home and work throughout the evenings and weekends to catch up…”

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A client of mine, a Managing Director dealing with high-end customers, came to me with an important issue. One of her senior leaders was complaining because people weren’t respecting him and they were going ‘above his head’ on important matters.

This was happening over and over again in different situations. He was becoming resentful and felt he was being taken advantage of.

The Managing Director introduced us, we had an initial meeting, and got to know each other a little. I found out that he restores classic cars as a hobby. We defined his coaching goals and he asked me to help.

As we delved deeper, it transpired that he was being ‘dragged into issues’ that he felt others should be able to deal with. This was impacting his own ability to deliver on his work. So much so that he was having to take work home and work throughout the evenings and weekends to catch up. He wanted the team to recognise just how much he was taking on and for them to take him seriously, rather than escalating things to the Managing Director.


My client was used to being the ‘fixer’. He described to me how he fixed problems at home and he fixed problems at work. He told me ‘That’s just who I am’. However, tired and crabby, he wanted an alternative.


The frustration from the ‘fixer’, I’ll call him James, was the constant feeling of spoon feeding others around him. The answer lay in creating healthy boundaries. By always being on stand-by to pick up the pieces, he wasn’t empowering his team to learn and grow, instead, they were dependent on him and were losing motivation.

This is not an untypical situation. It is easy to become the ‘go to’ person. Especially if that’s how you’ve always operated. It can feel really good to be the person people rely on. Yet, when it impacts on one’s own ability to deliver and limits the teams efficiency, it is unsustainable.

Here’s a story that helped my client to see the true impact he was having on the business by continuing to be the ‘fixer’:

Imagine a dual carriageway with a light but steady stream of traffic. Then notice a high performance car towing another car and driving at 30mph in the fast lane, even though the slow lane is quite clear. The traffic is all backed up around it. Not only the vehicle’s performance is compromised, the free flow of the traffic is affected, impacting the performance of all the other vehicles in the vicinity.

Sometimes, it just takes a change of perspective to create the motivation that leads to change. This story helped James to realise how he was creating a bottle-neck by taking on so much of the work. And I know too that the same story might not achieve the same result with another client, or even with James on another day. As coaches, we get to know what matters to our clients. That way, we can communicate in a way that works for them.

Now back to James, with this fresh awareness, he committed to developing his team and I was able to share some simple strategies that helped him make the shift he wanted.

Our mission is to create happy, productive work environments that make the platform for success. If you enjoyed this Insight, please follow us and tell your friends and colleagues. You can receive EPiC Insights, like this one in your inbox every Monday. Go to the Home Page and sign up. It’s just a click or two away!

If you would like to talk about communication in your business, please call us on +44 (0)1932 888 885.

Kind regards

The Insight Team

Being Present When Presenting

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Dear Lucy,
If anyone has ever said to you, “just relax”, at times of stress, for instance just before you are about to give a speech in public, or deliver a presentation at work, then you will know how irritating that is!

Yes, I want to relax, but how?

Whether you are talking about controlling thoughts, feelings or emotions, unless you have taken control of your physical state then you will remain out of control, and unable to relax.

What do I mean by relax? In this particular instance, to be too relaxed might see a fall off in energy that will affect the impact of your performance. When I talk about being relaxed I mean to be yourself. Better still, the image I like to talk about is that of BEING PRESENT.

The process of gaining control of yourself in order to BE PRESENT follows a hierarchy:

  1. First control your PHYSICAL state
  2. Then, control your EMOTIONAL state
  3. Follow this by controlling your FEELING state
  4. Continue to gain control by being aware of your THOUGHT state

It is useful to break the process down into these individual parts or layers and then start to methodically rebuild them into something controllable.

Feelings and emotions are just symptoms of what is going on viscerally in the body.

To understand the science behind this, take a look at Dr Alan Watkins TEDx Portsmouth

So, where do I start?

Start with your breathing. Synchronise your breath with your physical movements. This is one of the best ways to calm things down.

Here is a simple exercise that is a great starting point towards gaining control and being present, although you might want to find a quiet corner to do it without being disturbed!

The aim of this exercise is to help root your energy and channel it in the direction that you want it to go. Great for control of physical and mental impulses.

Using your hands, working in conjunction with your breath, you are about to create a figure of 8. Starting at the bottom and working up to the top.

Here we go…

  • Start with a big breath out, and as you do so, slowly move your hands out in front of you, palms upwards
  • As you breath deeply in, bring your hands around in a circle, so that they meet back at the top, facing downwards
  • Breathe out and slowly turn your hands palm upwards again
  • Now, trace your hands around a second circle (the top of the figure of 8), meeting back in the middle at the top, palms facing downwards, as you do, draw a deep breath in
  • Now reverse the process
  • Repeat 8 times

How does this exercise help you? It enables you:

  1. To create space around any pressured situation allowing you to think clearly
  2. To synchronise breath with action brings variable heart rate back under control and calms you down
  3. By being very specific with the actions you are then encouraged to be specific with your message.
  4. it reminds you to create a beginning middle and end to your message

Practice this daily until your body is used to the exercise. Then, when you are about to present, your body will respond very quickly because it will anticipate the calming effect immediately.

Good luck as you work towards being present next time you present!

To find out how we can help you or your employees to become more impactful presenters, click here to arrange to speak with a consultant.


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Best wishes


Compliments and Why They Pay Dividends

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Humans are creatures of habit, feeling at their most comfortable thinking, believing and doing things in the way they are used to. Have you ever tried to undo a long-term habit? It takes effort.

At The Performance Business we are passionate about face to face communication. I was thinking the other day (as I cleaned my road bike) why are we so passionate about it? What stimulates us to want to teach communication skills to other people? It came down to the desire to make people feel really good about themselves and about others.

When you go out of your way to say something nice and give thoughtful praise to another person, it amplifies your own self-confidence and nourishes your self-esteem. It has a positive impact on the other person too. A win-win, one could say.

Some people love to compliment. Others are not in the habit of complimenting or praising others at all. Or, they will reserve their compliments for those they feel most comfortable with, friends, family etc.

Actually, if they knew just how powerful a compliment can be, they would be doing it much more.

You can make someone’s day by sharing your positivity in the form of a genuine compliment. Not only that, you can increase communication and productivity just by saying something positive.

Giving a compliment is the most obvious way in which you can create this sense of positivity around you. People can be reticent because they think it will come across as:

  • Cheesy
  • Embarrassing
  • Offensive
  • Fake

Some also associate an element of risk with giving a compliment:

“what if the person doesn’t believe me?”

“what if the other person blocks it – what am I going to say then?”

“What if people overhear it and think I’m trying to manipulate or impress?”

“what if I embarrass them?”

And so on. There are loads of excuses NOT to give a compliment. It takes us out of our personal zone for a start. We have to make an effort without seeing a personal gain. We aren’t in the mood, etc, etc. We spiral into our own thoughts and come up with all sorts of excuses why it’s not a good idea.

Stop! Let me share with you why it is a GREAT idea!

  1. When you go out of your way to say something nice and give thoughtful praise to another person, it amplifies your own self-confidence and nourishes your self-esteem.
  2. You can make someone’s day by sharing your positivity in the form of a genuine compliment.
  3. Giving a compliment is the most obvious way in which you can create this sense of positivity around you.

It is time to stop being reticent about doing this.

A compliment is simply one way to demonstrate your appreciation of another person. So what is the best way to give a compliment?

Here’s a process to get you going:

1.Consider the Environment

There are very few circumstances where a compliment will be unwelcome. As you develop the habit of giving compliments, choose the right environment. Consider public or private domain. Consider whether the other person is ready to welcome you into their personal space.

2. Be specific

When giving the compliment make sure it is clear and heard! To help you do this, practice it in your head before you say it. As you approach the person make sure you are present i.e. the most important thing in your mind at that moment is the opportunity to give something of value to the other person.

3. Be congruent

When you give the compliment, make sure that your body language is in alignment with your verbal message – use welcoming gestures, be still and avoid any nervous leakages (fidgeting hands, restless feet, etc etc.) Smile! This is a transaction of joy that you are giving – not an ordeal! In other words, mean what you say.

4. Be Persistent

It could be that your compliment is initially blocked; the other person might be shy and self-deprecating, they might be surprised by the compliment and block it, they might just disagree. The thing is, that you need to believe the compliment yourself before your deliver it! Expect it to be blocked in some way and welcome this as a further opportunity to reinforce your compliment with a more specific example of why you believe it to be true. Here’s an example:

You: “Hi Sam, I am so grateful for your insights in the report”

Sam: “Oh, thanks, but the deadline was looming, I’m not sure I got it across quite as I wanted”

You: “ Please know it reads extremely well and I was left in no doubt about your conclusion it was very well evidenced. Impressive.”

Sam: “Thanks – you’ve made my day!”

5. Sustain the compliment

You can sustain the compliment by being specific, as in the example above, but also with your body language making sure you stay in the moment – for instance not looking to move away before you hear the response. Another way of sustaining the compliment and making sure its sticks is to keep the thought of what you have said in your head, once you have verbalised it.

You will notice that when you keep the thought in your head for longer than you might think is comfortable, the thought becomes more compelling. You are sticking to your guns and not prepared to change your opinion. This form of leadership (giving a compliment) helps to build your reputation as an open, genuine and committed leader or colleague or friend.

6. Don’t wait for a compliment back!

Remember, this compliment is given without an agenda! It does not require reciprocity. Be happy in the thought that you have brightened someone’s day.

Your challenge – give the next person you meet a compliment, however trivial it seems and see how it changes the energy of your conversation. Remember – it must be genuine.

To arrange a no obligation conversation with one of our Consultants, click here.



Communicate with Purpose

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Purpose word definition circled on a dictionary page to illustrate a deliberate or intentional act, or your goal, mission or objectve in work, career or life

As we grow up we learn so many different skills, we learn to walk, speak, read, write, cook, play an instrument, or a sport. We learn how to operate yet another remote control! We don’t stop learning all through our lives.Yet, learning a skill is closely connected to our identity. This can be a positive thing. And it can also hold us back.

Physical and mental ability permitting, we all learn any skill to the level that we need to get us by in life. However, in order to excel at a skill, we need to have something more. A greater motivation. This additional motivation lies in our identity. How we perceive ourselves in relation to those around us.

An example might be my own skill at playing football. I have learnt to kick a football about, and I know to aim at a goal if I want to have a chance of winning. However, I have never identified as a footballer. I have never dreamt of becoming one and therefore, I have little motivation to improve my skills beyond the family kickabout in the park.

A similar challenge applies in business. All business, across all sectors and when it comes to communication, this phenomenon couldn’t be more apparent. We need our people to communicate with purpose.

We need our people to communicate with purpose

Many of our clients employ the brightest brains with the most potential. Their technical excellence may be second to none. Yet, how many are also a safe pair of hands when it comes to delivering the strategic message, or leading a team?

Much of it boils down to identity. It really is as simple as that.

How many people at school dreamt of becoming great communicators? How many spent hours and hours practicing speaking, listening and developing their style? Like they would practicing an instrument or learning a sport? How many just learnt as much as they needed to get by within their family unit, with friends and at school?

Very few people identify as communicators, in the same way they would identify as an accountant, doctor, footballer, musician, economist etc… Indeed, many are more than glad to hand the ‘communicator’ baton to someone else.

In truth, as with most skills, the majority develop just enough skill as communicators to enjoy the relationships and events that matter most to them. This brings to surface both the problem and the opportunity.

In my experience, when we tap into the individual’s dreams of who, rather than what, they want to be and how they want to be perceived by others, we open up an abundant resource and desire to develop the skills that support that identity. The ability to communicate well, in my experience, automatically and without exception, becomes a priority. From this point, skills can be developed fast.

To develop excellence in communication in your business, call us now.


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